Bobbie's Beat: Not one canary

What are the odds of receiving two different funny stories from two different male readers on a related theme? And, what are the odds of having two guy readers (not the same ones) tell me it’s time for some humor? 

Add to this a recent conversation with women friends in which we discussed a lady who lives full time on a cruise ship. This is supposedly a true story of an elderly woman who prefers living on a cruise ship to being in a nursing home. She claims it’s cheaper and a heck of a lot more fun. 

Here are the two stories:



An elderly woman has too much to drink on a cruise ship. She is being escorted to her cabin by the hunky cruise director and the orchestra drummer. They are on each side of her, holding her up. During the walk down the hallway she says to the cruise director, “You’re passionate.” 

They keep going, and at the end of the long hallway, she says the same thing to the drummer — “You’re passionate!”

The men are flattered by her remark, but at the end of the hallway, the cruise director asks, “Madam, just where is your cabin anyhow?”

She turns to them both with a disgusted look and says, “Like I been trying tell you, you keep passion-it!”

“Scotch and Water” 

A lady goes to a bar on a cruise ship and orders a scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink, she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday, and it’s today!”

The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, this drink is on me.”

As the woman finishes her scotch, the lady to her right says, “I would like to buy you a drink, too.” The old woman says thank you, and tells the bartender, “I want two scotches with two drops of water.” 

“Coming right up,” says the bartender. As she finishes her drinks, the man to her left says, “Well, I think 80 is a good reason to celebrate, and I would like to buy you a drink, too.”

The old woman says thank you and tells the bartender she wants another scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink, he says, “Madam, I’m dying of curiosity. Why the scotch with only two drops of water?”

“Sonny,” the old woman replies, “when you are my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water is a whole other issue!”


Out of curiosity, I went on Google and typed in “Woman who lives on cruise ship.” Bingo! I found an entire CBS news clip of 88-year-old “Mama Lee,” who has been living on a ship for eight years and loves it. She dances every night, and when the cruise ship goes into port, she gets off, walks 50 feet and boards another ship. What a gal!

This just arrived from a reader. It’s a push, but sort of relates to travel, and since it made me laugh, it should do the same for readers hoping for humor.

“Did you know that on the Canary Islands there is not one single canary? And on the Virgin Islands, same thing — not one canary either!”

That’s it folks. Happy 2020, and if a cruise ship comes into our Newport harbor, you might find me living in Stateroom B on the top deck.

Bobbie Lippman is a professional writer who lives in Seal Rock with her cat, Purrfect. She is the author of “Good Grief: A Collection of Stories As One Woman Journeys From Heartbreak To Healing Through Honesty and Humor.” The book, with all proceeds going to the Rotary International Foundation, is available at JC Market in Newport and directly from Bobbie, who can be contacted at [email protected]


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