Most of us know there are three subjects to avoid in social situations: sex, politics and religion. Now that I have your attention, you are hereby informed that I do not consider this newspaper column a social situation. Plus the fact that when one reaches a certain age we really don’t care very much about decorum — whatever that means.
Today’s column is dedicated to the pretty lady with the curly white hair who recently stopped me in the pickle section of a local market. These encounters happen often when I’m out and about and the conversational exchange goes something like this:
Stranger Person: “Oh, is that you?”
Me: (playfully) “Who?”
S.P. “Are you Bobbie from the paper?”
Me: “Uh, is that ok?” (Yes, this sounds stupid, but it’s always fun for me.)
S.P. “I LOVE your column! I look for it every Friday. Please keep writing.”
I told the lady she would be my inspiration the next time I faced a blank computer screen — especially this short holiday week. The weather is just too beautiful to be inside trying to beat my deadline at the News-Times. Having mentioned the three hot-button subjects that make people crazy, I am now dealing with all three:
• • •
SEX: Ole and Lena were on their honeymoon, driving through Iowa after their wedding in Des Moines. When Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee, she said sweetly, “Oh Ole, you can go a little farther.” So he drove to Duluth.
POLITICS: Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
RELIGION: Charles had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss the use of the car. His father said he would make a deal with his son: “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get a haircut. Then we will talk about the car.” The boy thought about it for a moment, decided he would settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you have brought your grades up, and I have noticed you studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.”
The boy said, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I have noticed in my studies of the Bible that Sampson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there is even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”
(You are going to love the dad’s reply)
“Did you notice that they all walked everywhere they went?”
• • •
That’s it for this week, but I can’t resist throwing in one more: “I do not approve of political jokes — I’ve seen too many of them get elected.” (Source unknown)
Bobbie Lippman is a professional writer who lives in Seal Rock with her cat, Purrfect. She is the author of “Good Grief: A Collection of Stories As One Woman Journeys From Heartbreak To Healing Through Honesty and Humor.” The book, with all proceeds going to the Rotary International Foundation, is available at JC Market in Newport and directly from Bobbie, who can be contacted at [email protected]