Bobbie's Beat: For Jay


I don’t get a lot of complaints about this column — in fact, hardly ever.  But I do pick up on hints from readers, and you can thank Jay for today. No, I don’t know Jay, but I met his wife at Belle Vie in Newport. Women (and guys) go there for the magical hair grooming work of owner Karlia. The other day I was chatting with a friend when a lady who had just gotten her hair cut stopped to say she loves this column and so does her husband. Since 91 percent of my mail is from women, I asked her (begging the question), “So what does your husband like about it?” She answered with two words: “The humor!”

That made me realize the last few columns have been on the serious side. After all, there is nothing funny about being bitten by a poisonous spider and ending up in the hospital. Last week’s subject about mothers who emotionally abuse their little girls is still generating mail from women who said the story made them feel sad and dismayed. It’s obviously time for humor, so Jay, this is for you. 

•     •     •

Of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be one of the best because it makes football make sense. A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. 

After the game, he asked her how she liked it. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents!” 

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well,” she said, “they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was, “Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!  I’m like, hello?  It’s only 25 cents!”

•     •     •

For all I know, Jay might not be a football fan, so in case he goes to church or even cares much about church  business, I just got a day brightener from Carolyn in Branson, Mo. She has been sending good stuff for a long time. I used church bloopers a few years ago and little did I know there are new ones:  

Church Bloopers

They’re back! These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

  1. The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
  2. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  3. Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
  4. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  5. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  6. This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  7. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
  8. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  9. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  10. A bean supper will be held Thursday evening in the church hall.  Music will follow.

I hope you’re smiling, Jay.  And thanks to Carolyn for sending the new batch of bloopers.

 

Bobbie Lippman is a professional writer who lives in Seal Rock with her cat, Purrfect. She is the author of “Good Grief: A Collection of Stories As One Woman Journeys From Heartbreak To Healing Through Honesty and Humor.” The book, with all proceeds going to Rotary International Foundation, is available on Amazon, at JC Market in Newport and directly from Bobbie, who can be contacted at [email protected]


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