Bobbie's Beat: Ah, women!


My day to write has always been Monday, and whatever is written gets to gestate overnight. The next day I give it a fresh look, make a few changes and off it goes to my editor at the News-Times. Since it is Monday, and the election results aren’t in yet, I have something else in mind.  

Last Saturday night I went with friends to the Newport Performing Arts Center for the now annual event billed as “Dancing with the Coastal Stars.” Seven local, courageous couples, who have been practicing for months, compete for the coveted Mirror Ball Trophy. This event benefits Samaritan House, and I’m happy to report the PAC was packed. For readers across the country, Samaritan House is a very special local shelter for homeless families with children.

As an incurable eavesdropper, I overheard these words several times: “I’ll be so glad when next Tuesday is over!” During that entire evening, I lost count of the number of female friends who made it a point to stop, chat and hug, which brings me (finally) to the subject for today — women.

Recently, due to somebody declaring it “National Girlfriend’s Day,” I received a certain day brightener more than a dozen times that is a tad unusual for a day brightener. Yes, it’s a little tacky in places, but you’ll get over it — and perhaps you’re still ticked off over election results, so my intent is to briefly take your mind off of being ticked off. If you are a woman reading this, you will relate to the examples, and if you are a guy who doesn’t find the following funny well, just cut me some slack. Here we go.

•     •     •

National Girlfriends Day (author unknown)

 

Reasons why it’s great to be a woman: 

  1. We got off the Titanic first. 
  2. We can baffle male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. 
  3. Taxis stop for us. 
  4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 
  5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo. 
  6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves. 
  7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 
  8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end. 
  9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 
  10. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 
  11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 
  12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot. 
  13. We will never regret piercing our ears. 
  14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all our problems. 
  15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
  •   •     •

For those of you still angry with election results, allow me to leave you with this thought for today: “Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith.” 

 

Bobbie Lippman is a professional writer who lives in Seal Rock with her cat, Purrfect. She is the author of “Good Grief: A Collection of Stories As One Woman Journeys From Heartbreak To Healing Through Honesty and Humor.” The book, with all proceeds going to Rotary International Foundation, is available on Amazon, at JC Market in Newport and directly from Bobbie, who can be contacted at [email protected]


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