Bobbie's Beat: Ah, men!


With our world upside down, I know from your mail that you consider this column your “Friday Fix” — sort of a brief escape from all the negativity and frustration people are feeling these days. You are not alone; isolation is awful but necessary. What I miss most is a human touch or, better yet, a hearty hug. Nobody was a better hugger than my husband, Burt. He even hugged guys who often looked surprised. Up until three months ago, I always got hugs from friends, but now there is no more hugging, hand-shaking or touching. I’m watching less and less TV news because it’s never good news. Fortunately, people continue to send me funny or uplifting emails. If something makes me smile, laugh or feel better, I know it needs to be shared with you.

I recently received a day-brightener from Sherrill Kahn, of Idylwild, Calif. We met in the ‘70s when we had husbands, and now we are that dreaded “W” word. The day-brightener is an oldie, with an unknown author, but still makes me laugh. Here it is:

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Why men are seldom depressed

Men are just happier people. What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. Wedding plans take care of themselves. You can be president. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white tee-shirt to a water park. You can wear no shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think which way to turn a nut or a bolt. Wrinkles add character. A wedding dress costs $3,500. Tux rental $75. People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them. New shoes don’t blister or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she will still be your friend. Your underwear is $6.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have a strap problem in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can do your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Dec. 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!

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     Thank you, Sherrill, for making our day. How well I remember all the fun we had with you and Joel. I still have photos of your visits to our South Beach home and how hard Joel laughed when one of our miniature goats hopped on his shoulders when he was trying to tie a shoe.   

That’s it for today, folks.  Please stay safe and well.         

Bobbie Lippman is a professional writer who lives in Seal Rock with her cat, Purrfect. She is the author of “Good Grief: a Collection of Stories as One Woman Journeys from Heartbreak to Healing with Honesty and Humor.” The book, with all proceeds going to Rotary Intl. Fdn., is available at JC Market in Newport and directly from Bobbie at [email protected]

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